good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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