my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
