when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
