Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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