So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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