i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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