Pappa wants mamma naked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need to calm my uterus...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
