Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
