Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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