hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
