If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize