i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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