Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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