He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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