How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
