So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
