he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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