I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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