I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
