You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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