You just made me feel so damn special
Where is the hickey?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
