had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
