he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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