We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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