Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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