Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
