I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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