sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
