he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
