i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
