he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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