wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
