How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
