Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
