He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
