we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
