Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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