She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize