Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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