i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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