Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
