I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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