I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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