take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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