That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
