Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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