sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
