Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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