I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
