Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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