I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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