Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
