Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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