Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my being single is dangerous.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
