i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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