I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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