Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
