This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
