Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize