i jhust puked up my retainher.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
