did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
