Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
