he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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