Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
