I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
